"Dear Diary: Stop the Plans, PLEASE!"
No choice. Upheaval. Goodbyes. My diary traces the drama of leaving NY for Munich 60 years ago.
I seem to be looking back a lot here and I decided that’s OK. Maybe it’s certain family anniversaries (like last week) or maybe it’s my not-so-unconscious attempt to distract myself from the constant assault on our sensibilities that The Madman and His Mad Minions engender hourly. Or maybe I don’t need to know why. Just write, I’d say to a student or freewriting group member. Write whatever comes to mind. Write from your heart. Write it like it is.
At my recent Rye (NY) Library event, I shared the February 24, 1966, excerpt (see below) from my sixth-grade diary, which got me thinking…and feeling.
So, this week, I’m posting selected excerpts that, in part, trace the leadup to my family’s life-changing move from Rye to Munich in August 1966. I end with some clips from seventh grade at Munich American High School, where, as you’ll see, certain themes continue unabated despite the continental shift.
November 28, 1965
Walked to beach. Stopped at Paula’s on way back. Daddy is serious about moving to Germany for a year.
February 24, 1966
Daddy says we might go to Germany for two years. OH NO!! Ellen, I don’t want to, I couldn’t bear to leave all my friends just when I’m old enough to go on dates with Robby, if I’m still interested. Oh, I don’t want to go. No—no—no! God, this may sound selfish, but please, please don’t let us go, stop the plans—PLEASE!
March 23
Robby was throwing balls at me playing knock-out and I caught one! So he goes, “You die, Sosin!” I really like him so much as you know! I don’t see how he could fall for such a conceited little brat like Laurie.
Daddy wrote, “Investigating cello case,” which is his code for investigating moving. I WILL CRY IF WE MOVE! [Dad was visiting Radio Liberty’s offices in Munich for a couple of weeks. No emails, texts, phones, etc. Snail mail prevailed.]
March 24
Wore 8 rings. Robby was Dunoix in St. Joan this afternoon and I was so jealous of Julie Jenkins (St. Joan). He held her hand. He was in tights and everything. I sure wish I was Joan. I had tears in my eyes and everything. Why? I don’t understand, but I love him.
Went to orthodontist. Mommy wrote Daddy and said that she can feel it in her bones that we’re going to move. I don’t know how I’ll say goodbye to Robby. OH HELP! I can’t move! (I’m crying right now.) Last time I’ll see him is my party.
April 2
Cello lesson. Got Vivaldi sonata to play. Everything looks good for moving. WAAAAAAH!
April 6
PRACTICALLY POSITIVELY MOVING FOR TWO YEARS. Mom is already getting the house ready to sell. Talking about where to go on weekends when we’re there. AAAAAAHHHH!
April 7
Found out will probably take the United States ship (fastest in world) to Le Havre, leaving on August 13.
April 9
Cleaned up house all day for people coming to look. Everything in tip-top shape! Cellar, garage, etc. We hope to keep it that way. Ate out at Gus’s. Delicious lobster tails. (Still burping the butter sauce! Ugh!)
April 10
Went to New York with family. Kids wanted to see The Trouble with Angels, but it was a one-hour wait. One of those great days when I’m full of pep and the wind sweeps my face and I’m always smiling.
April 12
Forgot to tell you latest bit on moving. Moving to Munich, Germany, on August 12, probably on the Nieuw Amsterdam, arriving the 19th-20th (??). Travel for a while, then go to Munich, go to American Army School or private school. Will probably either have a huge apartment or a house. I don’t know yet.
Allowed to tell friends. Told Paula: “Oh, we’ll miss you but you’ll have other friends.” Lynn: “Oh! What I would give to go to Europe. How lucky you are. You’ll miss us at first but then you’ll get other friends.” Sandy: “Missing high school?? OH DEBBIE!! How awful—but you’ll forget about us after a while.”
April 16
Washed hair and set it. Came out good. I hardly have any pimples. That Sastid [acne medication] is really good. People are coming by the dozens to look at the house. We’re going first class on the Nieuw Amsterdam. [Our transatlantic voyages by ship in 1966, 1968, and 1970 were paid for by Radio Liberty! What a crazy benefit!]
June 24
END OF SCHOOL. HAD PARTY! Have to write real small because there’s so much to write. Junked around in school, last day, and I just sorta had tears in my eyes and then on the way downstairs I burst out crying and then everyone else started crying, especially Mary and me and Sandy and Roseanne and Wendy. Party was fantastic, marvelous, great, never to be forgotten!
Everyone was all icky at the beginning, but then Lynn and Robby started doing the bear hug and Jerry and I did and then Eric and Sandy, Scott and Roseanne, Gordon and Sally. Then we played Spin the Bottle and Jerry and I kissed and Lynn and Robby did and then Robby and Lynn challenged Jerry and I to “Who can do the longest kiss?” Jerry was a chicken but Robby and Lynn MADE OUT!! I saw them make out. Aahh!
Then when it was just getting dark I started to cry and that started everyone. Especially Sandy. Jerry had to leave and I squeezed him and cried on his shoulder and kissed him, but Robby and Lynn said goodbye by making out. Jerry wouldn’t. I cried so hard. I’ll tell you tomorrow how Robby said goodbye.
June 25
Got second typhoid shot and a triple booster. No reaction. Here’s how Robby said goodbye last night:
Him: Goodbye, Debbie. Thank you.
Me: Will I see you again, ever?
Him: Aren’t you going to the pool tomorrow?
Me: Yeah, I guess so!
Him: Well, I hope this won’t be the last time.
Went to pool, couldn’t go in water because of shot, but had a great time with Jerry. We were lying on the same towel, as close as you can get, our heads touching, our noses bumping and our eyeballs practically touching. He had his right arm around my back, holding my right arm! I have my left arm across his back. Our legs were entwined. I LOVE JERRY. Get this! David called and asked me to go steady and he was so anxious and I felt sorry for him and I said I guess so. I love Jerry. I don’t like David. I’ll have to tell David!
June 27
Yesterday David called and I told him that I’m too young to go steady and that Cindy loves him. Glad that’s over. Got Polaroid Swinger.
June 28
Packed for camp and Germany. Went to pool. Jerry and I played Close Call [a kissing game].
July 13 (at Westchester Music & Arts Camp)
SOMEBODY UP THERE DOESN’T LIKE ME
Dear God,
After three weeks of camp I haven’t found a boyfriend and I ask you what haven’t I got?? What can I do to get a boyfriend, darn it!!!! Everyone else has one!!! Damn Damn Damn Damn Damn damn damn damn. I WANT A BOYFRIEND. Three weeks to get a boyfriend. I’m pretty, I’m talented, WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!!! Dorothy is the nut of all nuts and she has a boy. OH DAMN IT—FUCK, I WANT A BOY.
August 11
Sandy invited me for lunch so I went. When I got there I went in, sat down, and talked for a few minutes. Then Cindy, Wendy, Roseanne, and Maryellen came in. IT WAS A SURPRISE PARTY!! (FOR ME!!) God, was I surprised!!!! I got bubble bath and more bubble bath and a powder set and stationery. Went to Sheraton Motor Inn, delicious meal. Tomorrow we leave.
August 12
TO EUROPE
Got up real early and ate breakfast. Then loaded up the car and drove to Pier 40, beautiful ship!!!! At 9:00 reported to ship, small but nice stateroom on the Lower Promenade deck. Everything rocks a little. Tons of people came to see us off, around 60 and about 20 of Don’s and my friends came. Missy and Sandy came for me. Sandy gave me From Russia with Love and The Spy Who Came in from the Cold. Missy gave me—bubble bath!!!!!
Left dock at 12:00. Mom and Auntie Joyce cried. Ship is beautiful. Swimming pool great. It’s sort of hard to walk on this boat. Everything sways. I don’t see how the waiters do it. This morning I saw trap shooting, which is neat.
November 2, 1966
Dearest Ellen: How terrible of me to desert you for five months. It doesn’t seem that long. I don’t know where to start. The last time I wrote was when we left the U.S. Well, the boat trip was fabulous. Landed at Le Havre, France, on August 19. Drove to Trouville. On August 31, arrived in Munich in our Peugeot station wagon. We traveled through France, Switzerland, and Liechtenstein. Touched Austria our last day. The house here is big but it stinks because the hall leads into each room.
School: I go to Munich American High School and I’m in the seventh grade. I made a lot of friends. Some are Mary, Irene, and Jackie. My schedule: S.S., Eng, German, Science, Math, Gym.
S.S. is a drag. I have a real idiotic teacher, Mr. Magness. English is great. Mr. Smith cracks jokes all the time—no grammar! German is good—learning a lot. Science is dumb. The latter applies to Miss Feeney too. Math, hard. Music, good. Gym, dumb. Miss Wild is bossy.
I’ve gotten letters from Rachel (camp), DeeDee (camp), Sandy, Priscilla, Sandy (camp), and Missy (camp).
Did you like it, Ellen? Did I inform you enough?
Today in school I had fun with a boy, Fred Ledbetter. We just talked. I don’t know how to act or what to say to boys. Big problem! HELP! Forgot to tell you I’m vice president of Jr. High Student Council and Editor in Chief of J.H. section of lit mag, Intellect.
November 3
Dear Ellen,
Nothing much happened today. Mommy makes me sick. She contradicts herself and thinks only of herself. No boy reaction in school. Fred is taking out a girl, Kitty, and Vincent is taking Elizabeth out, so I can forget about them. The only chance I have is Steve (best maker-outer). Heard rumors that he likes me. Hope, hope!! Don’t boys like girls who are fairly pretty, smart, and enthusiastic? Am I too IN THE SWING or should I stay quiet? How do some girls do it??
NO MAIL.
We ended up staying four years (though Donnie left for college after three). I never saw any of my childhood friends again (except Priscilla, whose friendship endured from nursery school until our mid-fifties, when she died of breast cancer).
What would my life have been like if we had stayed in small-town Rye? Who knows? Did you move away from your hometown as a child? What was that like? Comment below.
ESCAPE VELOCITY NEWS
STAY TUNED…
THURSDAY, JULY 2! Be sure to check out my interview about memoir writing with the ever-prolific Estelle Sobel Erasmus on her award-winning podcast Freelance Writing Direct. I will post the link on my website and Facebook pages when it’s up.
BOSTON LOCALS! I’m going to be MORTIFIED (again!), Friday, July 24, MORTIFIED BOSTON at the WBUR CitySpace, 890 Commonwealth Avenue, Boston. 7:00 pm. I’ll be reading from my fifth-grade diary. Get tickets here!
August 20: Newtonville Books, Newton: Panel discussion with Maida Korte, fellow Lesley MFA-er, whose memoir, Gutted: How an Old House Remodeled Me, just released; and Nancy Bernhard, author of The Double Standard Sporting House. Details TBA.
September 18, 6:00 pm, I’ll be at the Books on the Square bookstore in Providence, Rhode Island, in conversation with author Ethan Gilsdorf. Details to come soon!
Future podcast: On June 9, I recorded an interview with the phenomenal Ronit Plank, of the Let’s Talk Memoir podcast. What an interesting and wide-ranging conversation! I’ll link it here in the fall when it airs. If you don’t know Ronit’s work or her Substack, please check it out.
RECENT MEDIA
I’m thrilled to announce that ESCAPE VELOCITY was honored as a Finalist in the 2026 Next Generation Indie Book Awards (Memoirs/Other) category, one of seven books recognized alongside this year’s winner!
On June 7, I enjoyed a rich conversation with Alison Cupp Relyea at the Rye Free Reading Room, my hometown. Deep thanks to Alison and everyone who came out! Here’s the online version of Laura Schiller’s feature article, which appeared in the May 22 Rye Record.
May 13: Featured on Jodi Sh. Doff’s new, wacky, wonderful series called “Short Attention Span Reader,” where she judges a book by its cover and riffs with the book’s author. So fun! Be sure to subscribe to Jodi’s Substack, “Only the Jodi: Life as a Sober, Aging, Dementia Caregiver.” Good stuff, always.
For more, visit the Media page on my website.
To order ESCAPE VELOCITY, go to 227 Press, here. For complete info and links, please visit my website.
Thanks for reading! Hope you’re enjoying my Substack, where I post my musings every Friday. I’m keeping a free subscription option for the foreseeable future, but I’d be grateful if you’d lend your support by subscribing ($7/month or $70/year) and sharing. Much more on my website!
I loved these entries! Especially the one with the fuck! Too funny. And the pictures were so cool too. Now we have a face to those lines
My sons were born into this lifestyle, a new country every 3 or 4 years. No ships involved though. They missed the friends they left behind but like you, met new friends, had many experiences.. .